Sirius hates chocolate
by The HP and Twilight lover
Summary: Let's just face it: Valentines Day always tend to mess up... Or does it?


Ok, I promise no essay on pre-comments, just hear me out a moment. Last sunday, I was extremely bored! I didn't know what to do, and as I was online, I decided to read a random Sirius/Remus fic just for fun, like I used to do frequently about a year ago. I admit, though I'm very sorry to do so, that I'd actually forgotten what it was about them that absorbed me so much. So sorry you guys!! (*Sirius snorts irritably and Remus folds his arms across his chest) But now I remember the magic going on between those two, and I surely won't abandon them again anytime soon (unless they ask me to...)! To seal the deal, I decided to write this fic! :D

Warning: /Slash/ means boy/boy relationship. Don't like, don't read. Rated T, but it really is a harmless story, I promise it won't bite.

Oh, right; disclaimer: I obviously do not own the Harry Potter series! The only thing mine here is the plot!

* * *

Sirius Orion Black originally loved chocolate. I mean, really, who didn't?

But his liking came not just because of the delicious taste, but also – more specifically – because the brown, edible material happened to be such a good bribe towards a certain werewolf he hung out with.

Moony liked chocolate almost abnormally much, as if he was obsessed by it. Everyone liked chocolate, but in the werewolf's case it was taken to the extremes. Moony surely enough had a _big_ sweet tooth. This came in handy at times when Sirius needed to bribe him to do his homework, or when he needed the wolf to forgive him as he messed up. Because that happened. Quite a lot, actually. So it was surely a good thing that chocolate was the great love of Remus' life.

The thing was, Sirius had recently discovered something about himself; something that he wished to be held secret so desperately that he hadn't even told James about it. Something he could actually feel slightly embarrassed over at times – which was an extremely rare feeling for the black-haired boy to experience – though he was never _ashamed_ of it. Not even when 'it' made him say the weirdest of things, or stare goofily for hours at end, completely mesmerized and utterly ignorant the fact that people around him would start to question his mental health if he got caught.

Of course, 'it' being the gryffindore boy with the copper brownish hair and the brown, extremely observant werewolf eyes, he _did_ get caught quite often.

Sirius had realized that _Remus_ was the great love of _his_ life.

This happened to be part of the reason why the boy whose hair was as black as his surname now had come to hate chocolate.

No, Sirius Black was not jealous of the candy. … Well, yes he was, but not all that much anyway. He just thought it a bit unfair that the brown, hard, _un-living_ piece of sweetness gained so much of Moony's affection while he himself was put into oblivion… but that was another story.

He'd just come to hate chocolate because it was such a common thing to like; therefore also a very common thing to give away as a gift. And, seeing as Valentines Day was the perfect day of handing out gifts and proclaiming to one's secret crush that one loved him, Sirius was now next to desperate to find the perfect, special present to give to the werewolf.

Sirius Black hated chocolate (mostly) because it was predictable and boring. There was nothing special about it. No matter how you wrapped it, the content would always be good but unexciting. And if the dark-haired boy in his sixth year was to successfully ask Moony to be his valentine, he would damn well want to give him something different to surprise the bloke with. He was determined to put his very best effort into this, so damn all those common chocolate boxes straight to hell!

--

Remus John Lupin originally loved Valentines Day. I mean, really, who didn't?

Seeing all those happy faces everywhere he looked; sitting at the breakfast table along with his fellow gryffindores feeling this anticipating excitement in the air surrounding him – not necessarily being exited himself, but reckoning other to be – and having people smiling and getting their hopes up all around him… it was just wonderful to be a part of it.

Naturally, now that they were older – all of them in the sixth year having reached puberty and experienced one thing or another about relationships – the peace and beauty of Valentines Day was long since gone. That was why Remus had now converted into hating said day of the year.

Hopes would be crushed, smiles would be replaced with tears, and happiness would be erased and replaced with disappointment and betrayal in most of the students' faces – all in the name of love. What a joke.

Of course, the main reason the brunette hated the celebration of this day nowadays, had more than little to do about the snogging tradition that Padfoot – his best friend of all intents and purposes, but also his big secret crush for several years – had decided to establish in his third year. Every year at this day the black dog would randomly place his wand at a table in the common room and spin it around, taking a look at the girl it stopped and pointed at, then (if she was pretty enough) declaring to her that he'd chosen her to be his valentine.

As he'd matured (physically, at the very least), more and more girls had drawn closer to the table of which he held his spinning ritual, hoping more for each year that Sirius' wand would stop at them. Last year, Remus remembered with a mental wince of discomfort, some lucky brat had been chosen as the first to take the handsome girl-magnet's tradition one step further, thereby including more than just a snog… And what made the wolf feel the most embarrassed of himself, was really how he'd repeatedly come to wish that the wand would stop at _him_.

There was nothing to question about it: Valentines Day nowadays tended to make Remus Lupin bitter.

--

"Yay, chocolate!" Peter Pettigrew exclaimed as he walked inside the gryffindore boys' dormitory and caught sight of the pile of chocolate bars next to a little, white, text-covered bucket, which another Marauder was busy melting chocolate into.

"If you so much as place one filthy finger at my perfect, precious, sugary sweets, I swear to you I will curse that finger off your body right away!" Sirius warned him sternly. "I'm dead serious!"

"Of course you are", Pettigrew commented, but still he had frozen in his leap towards the candy as soon as he'd heard the other wizard's words, and was now taking a few wary steps back.

"I mean it, Wormtail", Sirius assured him, still detecting temptation in the other boy's eyes. "You do _not_ want to come between me and my chocolate."

"I thought you complained yesterday about how much you hated chocolate", Peter pointed out. "Not that I can possibly imagine why anyone would do such a thing…" he added questioningly.

Black arched an eyebrow as if to hint to his friend that he was overlooking something.

"Do you see me enjoying it?" he asked doubtfully.

The shorter and rounder of the two took a good look at the other gryffindore. Now as he took the time, he noticed how Sirius – without a trace of chocolate anywhere near his lips – seemed to be fighting a war against the candy, rather than taking any pleasure in it whatsoever. He stood steadily with a body language that said 'determined' while his eyes screamed 'annoyed', wand readily pointing at the brown liquid in the bucket.

Taking in all this, Peter couldn't help but wonder:

"What in Merlin's name are you doing?"

"I'm trying to reshape the bloody toffees to make them more personal", he answered, spitting out the word 'toffees' as if it was poisonous.

Pettigrew didn't look a tad less confounded.

"And you couldn't do that without melting it all down to some greasy sludge?" he wondered sceptically. "And where did you get that funny bucket from anyway?"

"I needed to start from scratch with this, Wormtail", the black-haired boy explained, not too patiently. "Some of this was chocolate frogs", he said, gesturing at the goo in the bucket. "It took hell of a work to hit them with the melting spell. As for your other question, I'm pretty sure that it used to be your Herbology book", he informed, now gesturing at the bucket itself. "I transfigured it. Hope you don't mind."

"Why bother?" the rat asked, more confused now than ever, not even caring about the last thing he'd been told. Why on earth would _Sirius Black _of all people bother making such an effort? "You're going to eat it anyway, then why does it matter in which shape it is?"

"Oh, but see, that's where you're wrong", Sirius concluded almost triumphantly. "_I_ won't eat any of this. Someone else will."

Things just didn't get any better. Peter gawked at him as if he'd announced he thought pre-marriage intercourse was a terribly bad thing.

"Why in the name of Merlin's balls would you bother doing all this for _someone else_?!" he cried out, now doubting this to be nothing more than a prank of sorts.

"Well, it's Valentines today, and I have someone I actually like for once, someone I wish to steal attention from", Black started to explain, but the seriousness of his facial expression made Peter's mouth drop, and the boy interrupted him before he got around to finish.

"Wait, hang on", the confused gryffindore said. "You're saying that you fancy someone enough to do something special to this person, to get attention? Why don't you just proclaim to her that you've chosen her to be your valentine, and make out with her, like you usually do?" he asked.

"Well, no matter how great that sounds in theory, I'm don't think I'd want to put that proposition into practice just yet", Sirius replied in negative. "See, I'm not quite sure that this person likes me in that way."

The boys seemed to have reached the point in their discussion where Sirius's words became astonishing beyond comprehension. Black could've bet for Pettigrew's eyeballs to pop out at any moment.

"Are you kidding me?" was the first thing Wormtail came to think of. "You're the Adonis of Hogwarts! Unless you've fallen madly in love with Lily Potter – which I hope, for James' sanity and yours, that you haven't – you can get any girl you want with no need to bother at all!"

"Well, how much as I love for you to pay me compliments, I don't think they will do any good right now", the black-haired bloke said, back to the tough task of concentrating on the chocolate once again. "If you want to do good, you'd give me some advice here." Merlin, Sirius was seeking advice from Wormtail! What had happened to the world? "How should I shape the chocolate?"

"Of course it depends to whom you're going to give it", Peter said hesitantly, looking to find out who it was that Padfoot had such a soft side for. The boy in question, however, still seemed very much willing to avoid that subject, so he just couldn't figure it out. "You should try and reflect it all on the person's personality: name something special about her."

Black thought this over, hard, yet he sighed as the one thing that came to his mind was:

"… The person likes chocolate."

Pettigrew raised an eyebrow and bit his lip. That really wasn't much of a help.

"Well, then name another thing", he advised the dog. "I'm off to the kitchens. Seeing that chocolate made me hungry", he explained.

"What on earth _doesn't_ make you hungry?" Sirius wanted to know, finding this odder than usual seeing as dinner would be served in about half an hour.

He received no answer, though, but was left to figure things out for himself once again, not a step closer to finishing the intended gift that he'd been before the surprise visit. He obviously needed to hurry up a bit, because – regardless of how creative an idea might be – unfinished presents were no fun giving away, and even less fun receiving. He knew Moony would be studying in the library until dinner, so he had until after dinner to finish things. The thought made him shiver.

Sirius Black would miss dinner. Screw Valentines Day at weekdays!

--

Remus hadn't seen Sirius since the lesson they'd taken together in transfiguration earlier that afternoon. Merlin knows how little he would want to see the other boy after finishing the classes of the day any way. Sirius was great company, no matter how annoying the dog could be; just not today of all days, when Remus knew he would find his friend wrapped around some random girl – the winner of the lottery – if he was to go looking for him. He just couldn't stand it, and he hated nothing more, but staying away from the black-haired Adonis today was probably the safest thing to do… and what he usually did this time of the year.

This was probably the only positive thing about Valentines Day: one could get away with not being a part of the celebrating crowd. It was different around Christmas and New Year's; if one were to keep away at occasions like those, people would notice and question one's absence.

So, Remus sitting in the library whenever he could was nothing out of the ordinary at the 14th February. Hell, it wasn't uncommon or questionable any day of the year. Normally he did meet up with his friends at dinner, though.

This was why he immediately noticed Sirius' absence, making the famous quartet a trio, and the wolf within him whinged as he sat down beside an empty seat across from James and Peter – the latter one, he noticed, had food in his mouth even though his plate looked unused.

"Have you guys seen Padfoot?" Remus asked before he had time to stop himself; if Sirius was doing something that was worth missing out on dinner, Moony was convinced that he didn't want to hear about the where's and who's involved.

Peter surprisingly nodded while James shook his head, and the werewolf waited patiently for the former to chew out whatever was in his mouth and swallow before adding more into his answer.

"Saw him a while ago, back in our dormitory", the boy explained, thereby confirming Remus' suspicions. "He was doing some Valentines Day thingy."

Both of the other Marauders stared at Pettigrew, surprised by his unusual way of being so straightforward and nonchalant about something like that.

"You mean he was too busy screwing someone to get his ass over here and eat?" James clarified amusedly.

Wormtail looked up at him in surprise and made big eyes before he hastily exclaimed:

"No! I mean that he was doing some Valentines Day thingy", he assured, but James just wouldn't stop laughing anyway. "Prongs, I'm serious", the boy therefore added.

"No you're not", the black-haired boy opposed. "But if you promise me he's dressed, I'm gonna go get him."

And with that, the stag rose from his seat and headed for their gryffindore quarters.

--

"Pads, are you naked in there?" James asked outright and tactless as he knocked on the closed door to their sleeping accommodations.

"No Prongs, I am quite sure that I'm fully dressed", the teenage boy on the other side of the door replied, which was the signal for James that it was safe to go inside. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Wormtail said you were up here 'doing some Valentines Day thing'", James quoted. That explained a thing or two. "Though he told me that he meant exactly what he said, I just wasn't willing to take the risk", he grinned, and Sirius laughed and nodded as if he thought his friend had done the sensible thing.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he added after a while. "Are you sick or have you lost your mind completely? It's dinnertime!"

"Oh believe me, I know!" the dog assured. "My stomach is ordering me to get down there right away."

"Then what's keeping you here?" Potter wanted to know. "What could possibly be more important than obeying your stomach's orders?"

"It's Valentines Day", Sirius stated. "And I like someone."

James raised both his eyebrows in surprise, but didn't seem to get the real issue.

"Well then, go chat her up and make out with her after dinner, what's the problem with it?"

"Problem is I have no clue if this person likes me in that way or not", Padfoot clarified.

"Don't be ridiculous, Pads; _all_ girls like you that way", James declared. "I mean, the only exception I can possibly think of is..." He trailed of, and then his gaze hardened at his best friend. "Sirius, please tell me you're _not_ under _any_ circumstances fancying _my_ Evans!"

"Of course not", the other boy immediately denied.

"Then who is it that you like?" Prongs wondered, believing his 'brother' just as fast.

"Try and guess", he answered simply, making it clear he wasn't going to share this secret at the moment.

James thought about it, but could only come up with one other possible person he knew for a fact that Sirius was real fond of. So he kept quiet. Now _that_ simply wasn't something you asked questions about, even he could see that right away.

"Anyway, my brain is experiencing some severe drought right now, and so you need to help me out", Padfoot informed his friend; "My aim is forming unique chocolates to give away to this person, but even though Pete gave me quite a good suggestion, this just doesn't work for me. I'm no good at making up the appearance of small things you're supposed to put in your mouth", he complained.

"Well, who the heck is?" James asked rhetorically. "Think bigger, then. Make a portray or something. The bigger, the better."

"Huh", Sirius sounded, giving this new idea a moment of thought. "Yeah... I could see how that would work. I'm going to need more chocolate, though..."

--

Sirius had finally managed to get his hands on (by transfigurating, stealing, etc.) and melt down all the chocolate he would need. Now he would re-shape all of it again. Make it bigger. Make it better.

He swung his wand to make his now very large bucket flow above him, so that there'd be room for a real-size candy Moony as he carefully started to pour it out. This took much of the sixteen-year-olds concentration as he had to focus on forming the melted mass into the right figure as it dripped out into the air, while he also needed to concentrate on keeping the bucket in the air above him. It was a tricky task, but it wouldn't take long to perform it.

But then, right as he stood there trying to complete the last phase of his plan, the door opened by an unexpected visitor for the third time within the last hour – and Padfoot, realizing who it ought to be this time, spun around to prevent Remus from getting a peek at his unfinished present... realizing far too late that gravity would take its terms with it as soon as he let his concentration slip.

A dry, happy Sirius turned into a chocolate-soaked, pissed one within a mere second of time. He turned especially pissed as the now empty bucket crashed onto his head before touching the ground. And it didn't really make the situation any better when he realized that it was Peter standing in the doorway again, not Remus!

"I need my Herbology book back, Si..." the other bloke had started to say, but he lost himself when discovering what a mess he'd created just by showing up again. His eyes went wide, and Sirius' doggish, angry growls made him realize that it'd be safer being elsewhere right now. "Uh... never mind!" he blurted out as he turned around and hurried away from the scene.

"Damn it!" the lone boy yelled at no one in particular. "I _hate_ fucking chocolate!"

"My my, Pads", a teasing voice said as someone came towards the door. "I wasn't even aware that you had tried that out. Personally I settle for eating it."

Sirius knew that voice. He would recognise it pretty much everywhere, he was sure. The sound of it almost exclusively made him happy – yet the timing at this very moment could have been nothing but better.

"Moony! Why did you have to choose this exact moment to appear at our dorm?" the gray-eyed boy asked, not really expecting an answer and not getting any either.

The brunette had noticed what his friend was covered with. It was so unexpected that it became quite overwhelming for the chocolate lover to witness.

"Padfoot... What in Merlin's beard are you doing?" he wondered.

"Um... Now, that would take some serious time of explaining", the other boy replied. "Unfortunately I doubt you to be able to take me seriously right now, considering how incredulous I must look", he stated with a smile, showing just how little that mattered to him.

"I heard it from Peter and James that you were actually trying to come up with the perfect gift for Valentines", Remus said with the slightest of hesitation in his voice, given he wanted it to be confirmed by the bloke himself before fully believing it.

"Tried to go at it, yeah", Sirius nodded. "I was going to give away chocolate for the one I wanted to be my valentine, but personalize it by re-shaping it in a special way."

"I see", Remus nodded in understanding. "So should I take it an accident, or was this all intended?" he wondered jokingly, making the other wizard's smile even wider.

"Oh, very funny. Wormtail made me drop it all over me, as you might have overheard."

"I know, I know", the wolf smiled. "I do like the idea though, Pads; not bad at all, as long as she's not allergic to chocolate. I myself would have loved it", he promised.

"Really, now?" Sirius wondered, his smile broadening once more. "That's great, considering who it was meant for. Do you know who I did this all for?"

"The thought is roaming across my head right in this moment, actually", Remus confessed.

"Come now, Moonshine", the other gryffidore smiled, utterly unembarrassed. "You know this person, who loves chocolate more than anything."

Remus all of a sudden made big eyes, as if he'd realized something he really wouldn't have thought of otherwise; something truly unexpected.

"Lord, Pads!" he yelped, still staring as if he doubted what had come to his mind. This sure wasn't the reaction Sirius would've expected. "You're not in love with Lily Evans, are you?"

"No, Moons, I assure you I most definitely am not!" the dog hurriedly replied, fed up with hearing this ridiculous assumption from everyone he talked to. "Why, oh _why_ do you all believe that?"

The brunette sighed silently, not bothering to answer his friend's question. In breathing in through his nose, the chocolate scent hovering all over Sirius became way more evident – impossible to keep ignoring. Consequently an urge to savour the delicious, well-known taste bubbled up within Remus – this too impossible to suppress.

Within the next few seconds the hazel-eyed boy had eliminated the distance between the two of them, his finger reaching out for both of the things he desired and leaping across the other boy's cheek ever so lightly. The wolf then put his finger into his mouth and let his tongue lick it clean rather slowly.

His taste buds and heart exploded at the sensation, while the logic side of his brain cursed violently at him in a very much uncensored language he normally would refrain from using. This was not typical friendly behaviour as he knew it.

Recognizing this made him freeze in his movement and simply stare nervously at the wizard opposed him; eyes somewhat resembling those of a deer meeting headlights. He swallowed.

Sirius raised an eyebrow inquisitively. The fact that he wore a relaxed smile and seemed quite amused and hopeful while doing this wasn't being detected in Remus' hyper working brain.

The poor boy opened his mouth to try and give a somewhat comprehensible explanation, knowing if he didn't, he wasn't being proper just as well as reckoning that if he did, he would stutter and gabble. A lot.

"I-I'm sorry, it's just that... w-well you know how I get around chocolate, I really can't... I just don't think. My brain kind of shuts down."

Remus was praying that the other boy wouldn't hear as clearly as he himself did how the chocolate in the explanation seemed to hint more and more towards a metaphor the longer he continued talking.

"Is that so?" Sirius asked, his smile never disappearing from his face as he spoke. "Darn, I should've thought of that earlier. Chocolate wakes this werewolf frenzy in you, doesn't it?"

"... I don't think it's a werewolf thing, no", the brunette answered.

"But you're obsessed by it, right? And you never tire of it", the black-haired Adonis reasoned. "Do you want some more, Moony?" he then asked, now grinning widely, successfully puzzling Remus a lot.

"Uh, I... I beg you pardon?"

That was so Remus; succeeding at being confused, nervous and adorable all at once. Padfoot gave a light laugh.

"I sure hope you do", he said; "if not, kissing you wouldn't turn out to be such major a success I want it to."

Remus blinked, absolutely positive he'd heard it all wrong. He didn't get time to say anything, though, as he was proven wrong straight away when the slightly taller boy got a hand of his tie and pulled him in resolutely to meet Sirius' lips whether he wanted to or not.

Now of course he wanted to – that was obviously why Moony eventually kissed him back, after having his eyes almost popping out of their globes in surprise, that is.

The kiss started out softly, with Sirius pressing his lips lightly against Remus', but then at a flicker it deepened as the dominating gryffindore traced his tongue against his love's lips, asking for entrance. The brown-haired werewolf gasped and felt Padfoot's tongue in his mouth no later, and Sirius very much enjoyed exploring the other boy's mouth at a gradually rising intensity.

Remus dug his fingers into Sirius' black hair and closed his eyes, fully willing to let the other wizard lead in the fantasy he'd had for a very long time now; a scene that was now set for real, which felt amazing beyond what the teenage boy had even dared to imagine. Those skilled lips! That fantastic tongue! One thing was for sure: Lupin had had no idea of what he'd been missing!

Sirius slid his arms around Remus' back and playfully bit his lip lightly, having the lycanthrope heaving a sigh. Then he made his mouth travel down to the other boy's neck, sucking gently at a spot he knew from experience people tended to be extra sensitive at. This made Remus moan in delight; a tender sound of what Sirius hadn't ever heard before, making him want to repeat his action again.

He moved up to those soft and now also slightly swollen lips again, making sure Remus would now know the true concept of 'fierce kiss', before he slowly drew back half an inch, just enough to allow them both to have some gasping breaths of air, and gather themselves at least to the point where their heartbeats went rhythmical again.

"Wow", Remus breathed as soon as he had enough oxygen in his lungs to make any sound at all, his face more flushed than it had ever been before.

Sirius nodded, overly pleased about how things had turned out. "That wasn't bad at all, now was it?"

"Of course it wouldn't be", the brunette agreed. "You haven't got your reputation of a splendid kisser for nothing."

"You're sweet, Moonshine", Black laughed, unbelievably satisfied yet still very aroused.

"Actually Pads, you're sweeter", Lupin commented with a blush, and licked his lips in indication to stress his words.

Sirius laughed again, hard, though he could've done without the reminder that there was still chocolate in his hair. He drew his wand and directed it to his own head and shoulders to clean himself out. Remus made a fake pout and sighed as the now sticky, brown mass dissolved and seemingly disappeared into thin air.

"Such a waste of good candy", he complained, making his love laugh for the third time within seconds.

"I'll get you some new one", the gray-eyed boy promised. "In the boring, original square shape, though", he found it safest to add.

The other gryffindore smiled a small smile of sheer happiness, still having a hard time to really grasp that Padfoot had wanted him to be his valentine. How was this even possible? What did Sirius Black, the most popular and famous ladies-man of Hogwarts, possibly see in a shy, boring and utterly messed-up werewolf? This was almost too good to be true...

All of a sudden, Remus got the terrible idea that this could all be a prank Sirius pulled on him. An awfully cruel one, on top of it. The boy was almost on his way of declaring how much he would enjoy cursing some of the dog's highly treasured limbs off him if this turned out to be a practical joke, when Sirius suddenly leaned in to caress his neck with butterfly kisses all out of the blue. Remus quickly decided that, no: there was no way in hell Padfoot would do that to him.

"There's one thing I still don't understand, though", Lupin said, now carrying on his train of thoughts verbally.

Sirius looked up at him and their lips met briefly before the black-haired boy asked what was on Moony's mind.

"How could you hate chocolate so passionately?" the wolf asked unexpectedly.

Black smiled before acting like he didn't know what on earth the other boy was talking about.

"Hate chocolate?" he repeated innocently. "What kind of weird alien hates chocolate?"

* * *

Hit the review-button to make my day! *Smiles encouragingly* :)  
Sorry for misspellings and incorrect sentence structure! (I bet there are quite a lot of them... *sighs*) But at least this made me and others happy!  
(*Padfoot and Moony nodds in unisone)


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